fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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