This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I just want nice things and good sex
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
