super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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