can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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