8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
We are two peas in an std pod
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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