i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
