I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize