do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
