How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
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