i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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