you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
