this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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