you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
