Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
