I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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