did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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