omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
