just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
