I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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