She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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