May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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