You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
