Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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