Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
