I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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