please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
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When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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