Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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