you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize