We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
