Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
