His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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