Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
