the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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