the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
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