woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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