got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
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Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
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Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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