There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
