I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Randomize
