M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
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I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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