I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
