Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
