before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I just found a bag of teeth...
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Randomize
