There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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