So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
