and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
It's blow job season.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
