Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
