Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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