The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
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