Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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