You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
