mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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