She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
