I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
