My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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