and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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