Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
