I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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