Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
